The end of an era..

Well not quite an era..

Today I've finally submitted my Masters research report.. 2 years of study on top of full time work has finished and it felt like a long time coming!
I can't say that I felt really stressed.. although my body has been hinting really badly - migraines every few weeks, loss of appetite, loss of sleep etc but of course I still felt fine.

It's been quite a journey and an interesting one. I really thank God for keeping me sane throughout this time. My memory is bad, but I don't think I've had too many meltdowns. And every time (and I'm not exaggerating) I have to submit an assignment, something has gone wrong. However, I've managed to get through it without getting too crazy.

Tonight, I didn't realise the effects this research project has had on me until I went out to dinner for a friends birthday. After putting so much concentration into one little thing you try to get back into the 'real' world and things don't feel right. I was actually quite confused, the noise was getting to me and I couldn't even co-ordinate using a spoon and fork. Ever since I pressed that submit button, everything after that felt so surreal. And I'm not sure whether it was the stress but I've been quite emotional the last few days. Tonight was no exception. I didn't expect it, but when I found out that a lesbian couple (congrats to them) who we know, is expecting, I was on the brink of tears. I was thinking "why? these people are seen by society as not being able to reproduce but yet they can.." So many "young ones" becoming parents without getting married, my husbands friends are getting pregnant with their third child and they live in China... and here we are trying to do things the right way and it still didn't work. I'm not angry and like I said it's probably just the emotions that has been suppressed because of my masters - when you tell yourself to power through, no time to think.. but it is a lot harder than I thought it would be... Perhaps it's not the right time... My husband probably picked it up too so he quietly comforted me and said "it's ok, we did say one year"...

I pray that now that I don't have my masters consuming my life I won't feel lost and try to fill my life up with other things...

And as usual music is a strong influence in my life. This song has been on my mind for the past few days... maybe God is saying something to me?