Serving is a privilege. I've heard it many times before. Worship is about your relationship with God. I've heard that many times before too. But why do people, including myself move from "I get to worship/serve God"...to "I've got to worship/serve God"? (from Israel Houghton, Hillsong 2012) "I need to rest from church, from my serving, I have done enough".
I think it is because we forget our purpose on Earth. Our mission as Christians and the standards God has set for us. Us humans love to compromise and I am one of them. "Maybe I can do this tomorrow".. "Maybe they won't notice"... "If I do this, then it makes up for it". And of course we compromise our relationship with God too. "If I serve you, can you bless me?"
What really inspires me about the Hillsong Church, speakers at conferences is their passion for God. Their willingness to submit to God. Not just singing songs like "I surrender all" and feeling justified and "Christianly" (Joyce Meyer, Hillsong Conference 2012) but actually meaning it.
So it's not like Christians can't rest, but I do believe that God will tell you when to rest. That is part of the submission and surrendering to God. And what's most important is that serving is a privilege not a right. Praying is a privilege, not a right. Worshipping is a privilege, not a right. So why do we not take our serving at church seriously? That doesn't mean you have to be perfect all the time. But it is about our heart. I've learnt that lesson recently. Again, I was never demotivated or lost my passion at church but something wasn't right. Tonight, after our discussion, I reflected and remembered the story of Jonah. He knew what he was supposed to do, just like I knew what I was supposed to do, but we both chose not to do it. So what happened next? We both got swallowed up by the big fish/whale. For me, I've been sitting in the fish for a long time. Quite comfortably but I got to the stage where I became unhappy. I thought I had it all - a house, a career, two gorgeous little dogs, an awesome family and church, qualifications but yet I still wanted more. People around me always encourage me to go further in my career but it had never felt right. I've always wanted to go overseas to work for a year so when the opportunity came up, I applied and got through the interview stage. That's when things became real. I had a really bad feeling in my stomach but I continued on the process. In hindsight, I realised the thing I missed most was my church, family and my serving areas in church. I was more fearful of what God was thinking than whether this was a good opportunity or not.
Would it be good to get away and rest? Yes. But why did it feel so wrong? In addition, why did I not really miss leaving my job - (I did miss my colleagues of course!) but my heart was ready to leave. That experience showed me that my career is not number 1. I knew that of course, but I didn't act it. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy what I'm doing but it's just not the same anymore.
Fast forward two months, I went to Hillsong Conference and I really felt that God used the speakers to tell me what my next steps were. Well, more like how I should change the way I am living my life. So after three years of Hillsong Conferences, countless Parachute Festivals, talks, seminars, Bible studies etc... it's time to come out of the fish.
I have started my first task - this blog. This is my way of "Mission" as I've never felt too comfortable going out to evangelise but knows that I should be saving souls.
The next thing is "Discipleship" so my husband and I will look into enrolling into a Bible College. This is not to say how great I am, but first of all, how great God is and secondly, to keep me accountable. Otherwise I will always be stuck in the fish. It will be a hard road financially in particular if both of us decide to study - but we have prayed and felt like this is what God wants us to do in order to be better leaders for our youth ministry. So please keep us in your prayers too.
The last few months have taught me that no matter how hard you try to run from God (even if you think you're not), He will always find you - like He did for Jonah. If you try to run from your serving/anointing and God has called you to do it - He will find you or worse off, He will just take it away from you. I'm not here to judge what people should or shouldn't do - like I said, tonight has again been a reminder for myself too. I need to step up/out and actually do what I'm supposed to do. So this is my encouragement for all - don't just have a nice warm feeling after a conference or listening to a motivational speaker/speech, all inspired and then come back to reality and continue on living.
Ask God for help and direction. Talk to brothers and sisters who share the same vision as you and use their pearls of wisdom to help you. Otherwise, you will always stuck in a fish thinking.. when will I get out? When I stop swimming in the darkness... How do I get out of this smelly pit that life has thrown me? Like Jonah, once he listened to God's way, not his - he got out.
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