Well not quite an era..
Today I've finally submitted my Masters research report.. 2 years of study on top of full time work has finished and it felt like a long time coming!
I can't say that I felt really stressed.. although my body has been hinting really badly - migraines every few weeks, loss of appetite, loss of sleep etc but of course I still felt fine.
It's been quite a journey and an interesting one. I really thank God for keeping me sane throughout this time. My memory is bad, but I don't think I've had too many meltdowns. And every time (and I'm not exaggerating) I have to submit an assignment, something has gone wrong. However, I've managed to get through it without getting too crazy.
Tonight, I didn't realise the effects this research project has had on me until I went out to dinner for a friends birthday. After putting so much concentration into one little thing you try to get back into the 'real' world and things don't feel right. I was actually quite confused, the noise was getting to me and I couldn't even co-ordinate using a spoon and fork. Ever since I pressed that submit button, everything after that felt so surreal. And I'm not sure whether it was the stress but I've been quite emotional the last few days. Tonight was no exception. I didn't expect it, but when I found out that a lesbian couple (congrats to them) who we know, is expecting, I was on the brink of tears. I was thinking "why? these people are seen by society as not being able to reproduce but yet they can.." So many "young ones" becoming parents without getting married, my husbands friends are getting pregnant with their third child and they live in China... and here we are trying to do things the right way and it still didn't work. I'm not angry and like I said it's probably just the emotions that has been suppressed because of my masters - when you tell yourself to power through, no time to think.. but it is a lot harder than I thought it would be... Perhaps it's not the right time... My husband probably picked it up too so he quietly comforted me and said "it's ok, we did say one year"...
I pray that now that I don't have my masters consuming my life I won't feel lost and try to fill my life up with other things...
And as usual music is a strong influence in my life. This song has been on my mind for the past few days... maybe God is saying something to me?
Tuesday 30 October 2012
Wednesday 10 October 2012
My Grandma, a fighter..
A TRUE INSPIRATION.
My grandma is someone I really admire. She has been a huge part of my life since I was a baby. She took us to kindy, made the best curry ever - and even though it was waaayy to spicy I would still try to eat it, loved and cared for us. She is always very independent, lived on her own until a year and a half ago she had to go to a private hospital and resthome.
Her faith and love for God is so something that I hope I can follow. She had lived through the Japanese/China war - saved by hiding under a mosquito net, survived the Vietnam war and boat trip that she took with my dad, uncles and aunty from Vietnam to Indonesia and then to New Zealand. She apparently had what we would deem "an abusive relationship" but she loved my grandfather regardless. Even till now, she still reads the Bible and spends time with God in the rest home and comes to church every Sunday. Her faith in God is inspired by her favourite verse:
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right path for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
This is a popular verse for comfort but I can see from grandma that she truly understands this. That's probably why to this day, even with her recent stroke that has left her with temporary paralysis on her right side, she still insists on feeding herself. She has trouble swallowing but she still tries to eat as much as she can. Her speech is slurred and she has trouble speaking out but she still tries to talk to us - and then she just smiles when she realises that she's tried to say the same thing three times and we don't understand.
It might seem like my past two blogs have been about sad things... just so happen that these two events happened so close together.. plus I'm a bit slack at updating my blog! The next one I write will be about Live below the line.. so keep your eyes out for this one :)
My grandma is someone I really admire. She has been a huge part of my life since I was a baby. She took us to kindy, made the best curry ever - and even though it was waaayy to spicy I would still try to eat it, loved and cared for us. She is always very independent, lived on her own until a year and a half ago she had to go to a private hospital and resthome.
Her faith and love for God is so something that I hope I can follow. She had lived through the Japanese/China war - saved by hiding under a mosquito net, survived the Vietnam war and boat trip that she took with my dad, uncles and aunty from Vietnam to Indonesia and then to New Zealand. She apparently had what we would deem "an abusive relationship" but she loved my grandfather regardless. Even till now, she still reads the Bible and spends time with God in the rest home and comes to church every Sunday. Her faith in God is inspired by her favourite verse:
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right path for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
This is a popular verse for comfort but I can see from grandma that she truly understands this. That's probably why to this day, even with her recent stroke that has left her with temporary paralysis on her right side, she still insists on feeding herself. She has trouble swallowing but she still tries to eat as much as she can. Her speech is slurred and she has trouble speaking out but she still tries to talk to us - and then she just smiles when she realises that she's tried to say the same thing three times and we don't understand.
I love my grandma and I pray that I can be like her, continue to have such strong faith in God even till I'm 95 and beyond (if I can live that long!).. I hope that she does recover soon and I know that God is looking after her and my family in this tough time.
This Sunday, our church choir sang a song, an oldie but a goodie, which really touched me. It's in Mandarin but it pretty much says that Jesus will give you true peace even though there are troubles in this world. I guess the question is, are we willing to accept this or do we want to get angry at God?
It might seem like my past two blogs have been about sad things... just so happen that these two events happened so close together.. plus I'm a bit slack at updating my blog! The next one I write will be about Live below the line.. so keep your eyes out for this one :)
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