Mama diary - 2 months

Little A is now 9 weeks old. Time flies so fast seeing her grow up and reaching those little milestones - her first smile, coo, sleeping 6 hours straight and generally starting to settle a lot better. I would describe motherhood as one large experiment that requires a lot of patience and perseverance. Things that worked in the first few weeks stop working, things that didn't work ends up working.

So what have I learnt so far?

Don't expect to be perfect.
The most stressful times I had was when I wanted everything to work out. Little A would be doing normal newborn things such as crying...and crying... and crying but firstly I was afraid that I would look bad in front of my in laws so all I wanted was for her to stop crying. Sometimes I don't know why she would cry and I would get frustrated but then the guilt would set in because she can't communicate in any other way except for crying. Then there is the thing of us living in the age of information. Yes information can help - I have been guilty of googling a lot to reassure myself that it's normal and I would only trust reliable sources such as Babycentre (not the forums). But then there is also too much information or rather opinions online and some of it did make me feel bad. To have a routine or not? To co-sleep or not? Should we use a dummy? Swaddle or not swaddle? Leave her to sleep in the capsule or not? What I have found is that tiredness is probably the most dangerous thing for your newborn. There are risks to all of those things mentioned above but having a baby that doesn't sleep and as a result, you lose sleep is even more harmful. When I'm tired, I find I get frustrated easily, I don't bond as well with her and as a result she cries even more and then the cycle gets bigger. Also when you're tired there are simple things such as walking becomes a hazard cause your balance is that much more off and forgetfulness sets in too. In the end we did co-sleep a bit in the morning hours and it helped the both of us so much more.

Be thankful for the little things.
There is nothing more rewarding than seeing your little one smile at you for the first time. No matter how bad the night has been, once she is awake and gives you that smile, your heart will melt.

I am thankful that I have a little one who can sleep pretty well. At first she was very clingy and now as she is older, I can put her down by herself and she can sleep longer stretches. Every child is different and when I expected her to be able to sleep by herself and tried to do all the training, I just got frustrated. I decided to let it go and as the weeks go by she has learnt by herself. I wish I had saved myself from the stress before hand in getting her to be the 'perfect sleeping' baby and just let her grow and develop.

I am thankful she takes injections quite well given that I hate injections. She will only protest for 30 secs and once I give her a cuddle she is fine.

I'm thankful that she loves music and that always calms her.

I'm thankful that there are so many people around her who loves her so much.

Finally I'm really thankful that she got to meet my grandma.. Her great-gran!

Some useful articles that I wish I'd read sooner.
This article is so true and I think every new mother should read this:
The newborn survival guide http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/blogs/-/plus1/2012/7/9/the-newborn-survival-guide/
Tips for bonding with grandparents http://grandparents.about.com/od/growingintoyournewrole/a/Bonding-With-A-New-Grandchild.htm

Finally, I saw this canvas at one of our favourite coffee places and is something I want to give to little A :)

We love you Annabel! :)

God is never too early...or late!

It's been a week since our little Annabel has joined us in this world.
What an amazing experience it has been with our first baby. Did things go as planned? Not even close.
Our plan was to have a natural birth with minimal medical interventions but our little one decided to come 1 week early and my contractions did not come gradually, it started right away at 1 every 10 minutes at 3am on Sunday. We called the midwife in the morning and she scheduled us in for a check. Yes I was in labour. She asked if we wanted to go home to rest and wait until it was closer to the time to push or use Syntocinon to speed things up. We chose to go home. Nothing happened until about 4pm when my contractions got closer and I thought yay it's time.

We got to the hospital and found out I wasn't ready - I was still only at 2cm but yet the contractions were so frequent and painful so in came the gas. We decided to use Syntocinon as well to start the pushing process but when the midwife broke my waters she found that our little girl had pooped in the water. That was not a good sign. So in came the epidural  - we were very fortunate to not have to wait for an anaesthetist. She came in and in between my contractions did what she needed to do once and was done in a few minutes. We had a really good one and she wasn't even a consultant.

And then we waited. Then it was time to do the hard work. It felt like I was in a tv drama with our midwife, the hospital midwife, two paediatricians, a nurse and a student all surrounding my bed. After 2.5 hours our midwife was ready to do an episiotomy while the paediatrician got all the gear ready for ventouse (our midwife and the docs weren't agreeing with each other) and just as they were about go ahead to do their thing, our little baby girl decided to come out.

The drama didn't stop though, I met her for 5 minutes and got wheeled into theatre for 2 hours because I was losing a lot of blood because I had a 3rd degree tear - in the end I lost 1.3 litres of blood and then the next day fell and fainted twice when I got up.

Even though there were so many complications, things we didn't plan to happen happened I am very thankful to God that both of us are well and that my husband was there the whole time with me. As the title of this post says.. God is always on time - never too early or late.

Was this a scary experience? Yes but the whole time I was just praying to God that our little girl was ok. I ended up saying yes to everything to help her - that was my priority. The other thing I guess that made me calm and as relaxed (besides all the drugs) as I could be was this song. It was in my mind the whole time and looking back I am very thankful that although it wasn't a "perfect" or ideal birthing situation, God provided the right care at the right time to help us through this.

It's almost time!

Wow, the last 8 months has gone so fast. Now we sit and wait for the little one to arrive.
I have been blessed with a pretty uneventful pregnancy - so I'm hoping she won't make up for it during the labour and birthing process!

We both really thank God for looking after us especially after what happened last year. So far we have a very healthy girl. We also have very supportive friends and family who loves us and have blessed by so many gifts and advice. I can't pretend that I know everything but I have definitely learnt a lot.

Here are some things I found useful and hopefully act as a reminder for myself as well.

It's about you and your partner
Remember this is your pregnancy so do what works for you and your partner. I am very grateful that I have an extremely supportive husband - he went to every midwife appointment, antenatal class and scan with me. I think having that support helps a lot and makes it feels like I'm not the only one in this. I can't express what a difference it makes to have your husband next to you through all this. Not to mention that he's been very good at cleaning and picking up after me! I'm also glad I have a large group of friends and aunties who have had babies so I can take bits of advice and their experience to prepare myself the best that I can.

Avoid if dodgy/unsure and be flexible
Pregnancy can be confusing especially if you are the first time mother. There are so many do's and don'ts so it's hard to know what you should listen too. Many are old wives tales but the rule my husband and I decided on is whether it has been well researched or not. If not, and it does seem risky then avoid it. Our other rule is if it looks dodgy, don't eat or do it. Keeping yourself and the baby safe should be the number one thing.

Also being flexible is important. We may have preconceived ideas on what we want but I know part of the fun is not knowing what would happen. Which comes to our next rule is we will try to everything natural unless the baby or myself is at risk. The not so fun part about my pregnancy was getting really sick and not being able to breathe - the only medication I took was my asthma inhaler and then had honey and lemon the whole time and plenty of rest.

Communication is key
It doesn't matter what you decide to do but communication between you and your partner, family, friends, LMC and anyone else is key. It's good to set some common grounds with your partner first to decide what sort of pregnancy you would like and then make sure all of this is communicated to everyone else. We were very fortunate to have a midwife who would treat us as if we were her own kids so she has been very honest with us too. Our antenatal instructor also kept reminding us to ask and question when in doubt so we can make informed decisions.

Have a strong support group
By default I think I have been really blessed by God to always have a strong support group. People who have been there for me for different reasons, doing what they are best at rather than just shutting us out because they may or may not have gone through this process. My work has also been extremely supportive - my colleagues have been great help and have spoilt me so much. It has made work a lot easier and I can't imagine what things would be like if I didn't have a supportive workplace. And of course I can't leave out all the aunties and uncles who have already spoilt our little girl so much before she is born!!

So now I can put my feet up and enjoy my month off before the real job comes!

Queenstown - my second home

It is amazing how fast this half of the year has gone. So many things have happened and we have received so many blessings - including a baby. :)

Another one was my trip to my second home, Queenstown.

Lake Wakatipu

It's not actually my second home but it's one of my favourite places to go to. Why? It is one of the most beautiful and peaceful place in New Zealand. This time, I got to go to Milford Sound, stayed overnight and experienced the most serene day and half ever. No reception on our cellphones meant no distractions. Because it is winter time here, there was nothing much you could do either so by the time we finished dinner we were ready for bed. Just before dinner, we went outside of the boat and being in total darkness was amazing. It felt like you were in space where you couldn't see the sky to where the water was.  In the morning we woke up to some pretty cool waterfalls.

Stirling Falls

Most people who have been to Queenstown would agree that once you're there, you feel like all your stresses and worries are gone. I've always appreciated that about Queenstown but this time round another important lesson was learnt. After having a surreal first night at Milford Sound, we were on our way back to Queenstown and suddenly we had phone reception again. I was so happy as  I missed it so much.. until all the texts and emails started to come through. It was my fault for checking but at that moment I  realised what people talk about - how technology can affect your lives. I immediately stopped looking and enjoying my surroundings and started to stress again. It took me a good 1/2 hour to tell myself to "Stop. Don't let the busyness of my normal life affect the rest God has given me". 

I have learnt that as modern day people, it is hard to put down our phones and smell the flowers. Even when we are given the opportunity to rest, we choose to engage ourselves with things that tie us back to our normal life. I need to learn to let go. It does require a lot of discipline to leave things behind otherwise you will never be able to stop and look at what you have in front of you. It is probably the most beautiful thing but we miss it because we are busy on our phones or with our own problems.

So the question is.. how often do we leave our work, our worries and stresses behind to see what has been prepared for us to enjoy?

Me without You..

A short post since I've just posted my last one.

This song was one of my fave songs in 2012 and was number 1 on Life FM, which is one of NZ's Christian radio stations. Plus..the clip is soooo cool!!

As tempting as it may be..I hope I don't "chase every breeze that blows my way" because I would just be building a kingdom to watch it fade (as I have seen many times) if it is without God.

Where would I be without God?

Enjoy! :)

In all things give thanks..

1 Thessalonians 5

The Day of the Lord

Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Final Instructions

Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hardamong you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

Brothers and sisters, pray for us. Greet all God’s people with a holy kiss. I charge you before the Lord to have this letter read to all the brothers and sisters.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

As the start of a new year begins and another has past it is timely for reflections, learnings and experiences. 

2012 was a massive year - I got married and finished my masters as two major milestones - all thanks to God. It was a year where I got to travel a lot to Hong Kong, Shenzhen, Guangzhou, Hainan, Sydney, Paihia, Queenstown, Glenorchy. But most importantly, I was able to do most of this with my family :) It seems like I was lucky to be able to travel so much but sacrifices were made and in particular my family made many to make this happen. I thank God that He has given me such an awesome family!

It was also not an easy year full of changes and not so great experiences however with each of these God helped me to be stronger. Not to mention that it was supposed to be the end of the world! But what I've learnt is that with most things.. You have a choice. To be happy, sad, joyful, bitter, thankful, resentful, free, full of regret and so on. HOW you choose to respond to what is given to you is your choice. Life is also short and fragile so it's important to take time and appreciate what others do for you. As the Bible verse says.. Let them know that you appreciate their help too!

Late last year, I had the opportunity to finally go to Queenstown. It was the perfect end to my year and was the break I needed. It is such a beautiful place and words can't describe it. It is the most peaceful place that I have been to and everything seems to just look after itself. I know some people will think that it is such a boring place to live but there is something about the energy in Queenstown and it's surrounds that you would never get in the city. 

Not only did I get a break but what I also realised is that all the mountains, lakes, fields etc are all virtually untouched, the farms are so huge and farmers just let their sheep wander and nature just does it's thing. God looks after such massive structures like the Southern Alps all the way down to the farms and the grass. So what more could God do with my life? How much more can He help me?

After this trip, my brother-in-law also had a few thoughts and came up with this which I think is really good to remind us of what giving thanks is about. He is an avid photographer and of course really loves a place like Queenstown and surrounds. However, this year when he went back with us, the lakes had changed and he was not able to get the same photos as what he did previously. He was upset but what he realised was that the photos he took last year was actually rare and could only happen under certain circumstances - at the time he actually didn't realise how special the photos were. At the time the weather wasn't great so he wasn't expecting great photos. This year we had great weather and he couldn't take the same photos.

Whatever happens in 2013 I will try to remember my favourite verse - "it's not about what I can do but it's about what God can do":

Psalm 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations;  I will be exalted in the earth.”

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.